the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
