I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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