I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
sex in a hospital.. check
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I was not drunk enough for that final.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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