You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
