U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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