Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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