we're blogging at a bar
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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