Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
