are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
