Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
