Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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