When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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