she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
