I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
