but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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