so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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