Umm I'm too high to move.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
