Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
