Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
