Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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