Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
