You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
