i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
