laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
