there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
