Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
