when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
