so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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