the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
