All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
