Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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