you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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