He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
