Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
