you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
