I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
