An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
