She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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