All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
