Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
