Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
