Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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