from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
