Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
