True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
