I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
