i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
