I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
