Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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