Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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