Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
